Team Win:  So, what would you say is the most scintillating information you have gleaned about our nation’s students thus far in your teaching?

M. Delaney: They just don’t get it.

TWCF: They don’t get what?

M. Delaney: It.

TWCF: What’s it?

M. Delaney: It. You know, it.

TWCF: Like…”doing it?” Like sex?

M. Delaney: No. It. They just don’t get it.

TWCF: Once again, I’m going to need a little bit of clarification on “it.”

M. Delaney: It.  Nothing. Everything.  Yesterday. Tomorrow. Today.  Basic human behavior.  Good. Evil. Love. Hate.  Mostly hate. Common courtesy.  Respect. Disrespect.  How to make macaroni and cheese.  Why we’re at war in Afghanistan.  2+2=4.  Martin Luther King is dead.  The sky is blue.  Barack Obama is President.  Hot wings aren’t a food group.  Fuck you, n**** isn’t school appropriate.  Teen pregnancy is not a joke.  Commas.  Illegal activities.  Gang bangs.  Spanish words.  French words.  England.  Cereal.  Potato Famine.  Car motors and washing machines.  They just don’t get it.

TWCF:  It sounds like you’re just saying random words and phrases.

M. Delaney:  No. These are all things they don’t understand.  These are “it.”  They don’t get these things.  They don’t get it.

TWCF:  You expect your students to understand why we’re at war in Afghanistan?

M. Delaney:  I expect them to understand that the sky is blue and hot wings aren’t a food group.

TWCF:  But what if nobody ever taught them that the sky was blue and hot wings weren’t a food group?

M. Delaney:  Someone should have taught them those things before they could breathe.  Someone should have taught them that it’s not okay to spit in the trashcan in the middle of class.  Or on the floor.  Or on their own thigh.  Someone should have taught them that they shouldn’t send out a holiday card with a lover.  Or give someone the keys to their apartment and then have the locks changed.  Especially when those keys are the only keys.

TWCF:  Are your students often naked?  Do they spit on themselves? Wait. Are they participating in relationships that involve key exchanges?

M. Delaney: I’m now a homeless person involved in what can only be described as a very serious relationship.

TWCF:  Are your students homeless?

M. Delaney:  Probably.

TWCF: Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you saying that one of your breakthroughs has been that homelessness often leads to students who don’t understand the war in Iraq?

M. Delaney: Yeah. That’s it.  They don’t get it.  They’re fucked.  We’re all fucked.  The cities are fucked. The suburbs are fucked.  We’re all swimming in a pool of our own vomit, and that vomit is a cesspool of disrespect and academic failure.  They don’t get commas; they don’t get basic human kindness. They can’t read; they can’t breathe.  They can barely chew.  And when they do, they do it loudly.  They’re all slowly dying and they’re killing me along the way.

TWCF: Okay.  Thank you for your time.  Those are some really interesting insights you have into education and our nation’s youth.

M. Delaney:  Yeah, no problem.  I think I’ve really made some strides with these kids.

TWCF: Right. Thank you.

Tags: guest writer, Interview, M. Delaney, todays problems