Believe it or not, every once in a while I actually make useful things.

I actually came to Scotland to finish my degree, though for the first 4 1/3 weeks of the 6 week program, I worked on this website and neglected to learn anything. Around week 4 1/2 I realized that I may actually fail, so I did what I came to do and finished the project on “visualizing Edinburgh” I decided to do an advertising campaign for a nightclub that I like called the Cabaret Voltaire.

I think advertising is fascinating for a lot of reasons. The primary reason being that sometimes, a commercial or a billboard will make me say, “whuh? does Absolut Vodka actually condone that?” In which case. I will buy whatever product it is. It could be a gasoline beverage; I will buy it.

So, I made a portrait of the city of Edinburgh being completely ruined by some menacing characters to go with the theme of “visualizing Edinburgh”. Edinburgh is an incredibly beautiful city. Apparently, the reason is partly because the WWII European Tour 1939-1945 skipped over Edinburgh. SO, I visualized Edinburgh experiencing an apocalypse at the hands of Santa Clause and his cronies, and made it into an Ad Campaign.

CHECK IT OUT IN THE ART SECTION.

On another note of complete irrelevance. This is Hugh Bagley. He “ran” as a write-in president in 2008. He wants to Annex Mexico. It’s probably that easy. Problem solved. Good plan.

I only mentioned him because I needed a picture to pull this post together.

In May, I went to Edinburgh Scotland to learn about interactive media. While there, I realized how dumb of a concept concert flyers were. If pollution had the same effect on environmentalists that rave lights have epileptics, Edinburgh would have an epidemic on their hands. For my project, I creative a large interactive promotional campaign for a nightclub/venue in Edinburgh called the Cabaret Voltaire. The goal was to differentiate Cab’s quality and mystique by using unique, youthful guerilla advertising tactics instead of the standard paper flyers. It’s called the “Secret Show campaign”. You can see all of it below.

Don’t go too far out of your way to try and link the meaning behind the images and the text; there isn’t any, apart from the fact that the club is in Edinburgh and the city that is being decimated in the main picture is ALSO Edinburgh. The way you navigate around it is by pushing the little forward arrow in the bottom right of the screen. There is also a button down there that makes the presentation full screen. I suggest you push that button as well. There are some hidden presentational gems that you might be able to catch if you look hard enough or do your research*.

* The woman screaming is ACTUALLY screaming in Japanese. I suggest you find someone to translate it. I understand that this might be a little racist, playing on the stereotype that Japanese people are afraid of Godzilla, but honesty, that’s like a 1.3 out of 10 on the racism severity scale - one being interracial marriage and the garden of Eden, 10 being Israel and Palestine if every civilian is given monthly rations of grenades and elementary schools teach a class on hate crimes.

I’ve been on a bit of a Kim Jong-Il kick lately.

When I say “lately” I mean ever since I learned that he existed. I’ve tried to find a way to work him or North Korea into conversation at least once a day, even if it’s just mentioning his name into analogies like “Have you seen Carrot Top Lately? He looks like the exact opposite of what the healthiest person in North Korea looks like”, or “Wow, that was an interesting choice to paint your baby’s bedroom dark gray. It looks like a sunny day in Pyongyang,” or “Who did Cleveland trade Victor Martinez for? They’re about as good at baseball as Kim Jong-Il is at being a good person.” Most people don’t understand.

Yet, despite my persistent mockery of the man and his country, I don’t know much about him. I know the basics, that I assume most people know. I know that he is constantly threatening the world with a nuclear holocaust like a attention deprived teenager threatening suicide. I know that because he refuses to let any western influence into North Korea, no one in the country knows anything about anything, including anything about food. I know that he looks like a Korean version of Harry Caray.

So I did some research. Naturally, my first consultation was Wikipedia. If you’ve ever read anything even vaguely governmental on Wikipedia, then you know that it’s virtually impossible to read attentively. All I wanted to know about Kim Jong-Il was what his favorite color was. I didn’t want/need to know about his tenure as party secretary. I was damn close to dismissing the Wikipedia article as awry when my eyes swept over a “personality” section.

KJ is truly a man’s man. According to Wikipedia, Kim Jong-Il is a huge cinema fan noting some of his favorites as Friday the 13th, Rambo, James Bond, and Godzilla. Now, I know what you’re thinking; Does Kim Jong-Il prefer the 1958 version of Godzilla called “Gojira”, or the 1998 version of Godzilla featuring Mathew Broderick? Well, my answer to you, my handsome reader, is probably the 1958 version since the only reason that anyone really liked the 1998 version was because of the soundtrack, and Wikipedia didn’t site any information about KJ’s musical preference. Regardless of his preference, it’s a hilarious detail. As aforementioned, he also noted Rambo as one of his preferred films, which is equally as hilarious, being that Rambo must be one of the most American films ever made. The film itself is like a syringe of American propaganda. I wonder how his friends in the axis of evil feel about this. I can only imagine they are either not very pleased, or are also Rambo enthusiasts, like the rest of us.

The article also went on to note that KJ also was an avid basketball fan. Apparently, in 2000, Madeline Albright ended a diplomatic meeting with North Korea by giving KJ a basketball signed my Michael Jordan. America does their research. Apparently he had a look of shocked appreciation when handed the gift, which I can only imagine was because every other country before had given him useless and unthoughtful gifts, like gold and diamond crusted friendship bracelets and crystal charm necklaces. Sloppy diplomatic gift giving like this is part of the reason why the world is in such constant state of direness.

Clearly, according to this one section of Wikipedia, KJ is a simple man, with simple tastes, just like the rest of us*. Having since read this article, I’ve begun to wonder what it would be like to sit down with the man over a cup o’ tea, or a good beer, and just be friends. You can read the beginning of a series of these incidences here.

*Now you handsome readers, don’t think that I don’t think that the North Korean situation isn’t completely sad and unfortune. It is. When you read things like how Kim Jong-Il prefers films with Elizabeth Taylor in them, or the fact that many people think that he’s actually been dead since 2003 and that every picture of KJ you’ve seen since is actually just a stand-in, you can’t help but chuckle a bit.

Listen. The world has problems. Everywhere you go, someone is killing and/or having sex with someone/something. Good, God fearing men are hating other Good, God fearing men because of the word they use to describe such aforementioned God. Toys R Us is probably having a bad business year because kids are playing with broken beer bottles instead of action figures. Scientists are making up silly lies about the world getting hotter or whatever. Kim Jong Il is trying to name the entire world “Kim Jong Il”. As far as I know, the world might explode tomorrow.

Granted, if the world does really explode tomorrow, all of the smaller problems (ie. preteens getting pregnant) don’t really matter that much. Until earth’s molten core does turn to ice, and our magnetic field does send us hurling into the sun, I will continue to care about smaller issues.

Regardless, a few days ago I was walking to work and I saw a sign for a recent headline in The Scotsman. The headline read “Shocking Number of Preteen Pregnancies this Month“. I thought it was hilarious/frightening.

It’s frightening because when I was “preteen”, I was trying to destroy as many girl’s lives as I could by affectionately using my Wolverine action figure to tear their Barbie dolls’s limbs off. This was around the time when I first heard about Mayan human sacrifice.

It’s hilarious because of the sheer absurdity of the concept. So I wrote about it.

Read my opinion on the matter here!

(this picture was used in the online version of the headline on The Scotsman’s website. I didn’t know that it was an advertisement and assumed that it was the picture they chose for the article. “What lazy editors!” I thought to my self.)